Rules, Rules, Rules - Are they all we have to go on?

It often seems that way, especially when we consider the many structures that define our experiences - from home, to work, to societal norms.When adults work with young people in groups, we often start by making rules like "Don't interrupt," or "Take turns." We hope that these rules will guide the group's work and create a predictable environment. But figuring out what rules are best and why they work can be tricky.

In a learning environment, rules help keep things organized and calm. They let people know what's expected of them and what they can expect from others. But we all know rules aren't followed just because they're spoken out loud, or written on a whiteboard! 

 

Yet, understanding rules can be a complex task.  When it comes to supporting young people's wellbeing in the post-primary context, appreciating the nuances of the rules we apply to ourselves can be important - and challenging! This blog series will aim to delve into these unspoken codes, seeking to explore their relevance, their effects, and their implications for adults involved in nurturing young minds.

Perhaps understanding the influence of rules both spoken and unspoken on ourselves and others can help us create supportive environments that foster resilience, self-esteem, and overall wellbeing, and perhaps not.  Either way, I hope this blog can become a journey of exploration of the world of rules and their hidden depths, critically engaging with a variety of perspectives on the codes we apply to our own and other's behaviour in the service of navigating the often complex, messy realities of living in our own skin and alongside others.

The Science of Rules

There are two types of rules we usually follow: ones that we learn through experience (trial and error) and ones that we learn from others (verbal rules).

 

Verbal rules can be extremely efficient. They save us from learning everything the hard way. For example, a parent can shout "no!" to stop a child from touching a hot stove. However, it goes without saying that all of us also learn by watching others and from our own experiences. The degree to which we apply this knowledge, or simply "follow the rules" as they have been relayed to us by others, depends on many different things, and can vary considerably over the course of a day.

However we come by them, rules also shape our actions and interactions with others. Just think of how a single negative comment from a boss or partner can influence our behaviour for a long time.

Adults working with young people often find themselves in structures tht emphasise helping students with following rules. This might involve practicing distinguishing between different rules and how likely they are to produce workable outcomes, or engaging in different ways of motivating young people to follow particular rules.

However, in our eagerness to ensure students CAN follow rules, we can sometimes forget about the potential downside to rules. When rules that are imposed are too strict, developmentally inappropriate or when a person is overwhelmed with too many rules, rather than supporting learning, growth and participation, rule-following can constrain learning and even become mentally distressing.

 

Scientists with a specific interest in understanding human behaviour in context have identified three types of rule-following that can be harmful to mental health:

 

Generalized Pliance: This happens when a person is overly concerned with pleasing others. They do whatever is necessary to avoid disapproval, which can lead to anxiety and depression. Many adults who identify as neurodivergent share that “masking” their true, authentic selves in order to “stay safe” or “fit in” has resulted in long lasting harms across the lifespan.

 

Generalized Counterpliance: This is when a person always does the opposite of what they're told. It often appears in individuals who have faced strict authority figures or feel left out of a group.

 

Dysfunctional Self-Pliance: This relates to the rules we set for ourselves. If these rules are more about controlling our feelings rather than personal growth, it can be problematic.

 

When teaching young people to follow rules,  particularly in the area of relationship to self and others, we should be aiming for flexibility. We don't want to create a situation where any young person feels compelled to follow harmful rules without question. Instead, we want to teach them how to express their needs and wants in a variety of ways that fit the unfolding contexts of their lives.

 

Research on how best to explore complex rules governing our relationships to ourselves and others is ongoing and there's still much to learn about how to best teach rule-following in ways that are helpful, rather than harmful. But we do know that enabling individuals to express what's important to them and find common ground between their needs and group norms is crucial. We’re appreciating more and more that rules for relating to ourselves and others are complexly determined, informed by individual histories, neurotypes and social contexts. No one size first all, and every voice matters.

 

Questions to think about:

How do you involve your clients in understanding and exploring the “hidden rules” that drive how they relate to themselves and others?

Do you have any practical ideas on how to do this? Feel free to share in the comments.

Take Home Point: Flexibility for the Win! 

Questions for Reflection

1. How do you include client voice in determining social skills goals and targets?

2. Have you ideas on how you can do this in practice? Please share your good practice in the comments below. 

References

Hayes, S. C., & Gifford, E. V. (1997). The trouble with language: Experiential avoidance, rules, and the nature of verbal events. Psychological Science, 8(3), 170-173.

Hayes, S. C., Gifford, E. V., & Hayes, G. J. (1998). Moral behavior and the development of verbal regulation. The Behavior Analyst, 21(2), 253-279.

McHugh, L., Stewart, I., & Almada, P. (2019). A contextual behavioral guide to the self: Theory and practice. New Harbinger Publications

Stapleton, A. (2020). Choosing not to follow rules that will reduce the spread of COVID-19. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 17, 73-78.

Rule one: No rules! – Behavior Science Dissemination (abainternational.org)

For more rule-related fun, check out my infographics at https://padlet.com/fionaoneill07/ckgc41jo67rufe1d or use the QR code below: